Mum, today, J and I had an offer accepted on a victorian terrace house in Walthamstow. I tell you but I know you know. I know you had a part to play. I know this is one of your signs. I know.
I asked you the other day if you would help us get the house and you replied “I will help you get whats right” Oh you wise old bat.
I have been so excited today, and yes, of course, on pinterest as much as I can lol. You would be proud.
But I have gone to text or call you several times. To tell you our news. You were the 1st person I wanted to call. I wanted to call you up to ask you what you think we should do to it, with it. I wanted to thank you for the money. For the oppurtunity to be able to get this 3 bed grown up adult life house. I can't quite believe it to be honest. It seems quite mad.
These days are going to be the hardest, but, yes. I still believe everything happens for a reason.
The reason may not make sense to me, ever, in this lifetime. But my mum and I stand by pur faith. "the universe knows better than you or I" Its all so much bigger than us. Perhaps mum had learnt what she needed, loved as much as she could, seen herself, been loved tenfold... we don't know. I dont know. It is bigger than me. Us. Which perhaps is part of why it hurts so much. Grief is and always will be bigger than me. But I do know, this happened "for" us not "to" us.
It feel a very very high price to pay to be able to look at my future and be happy. I would have learnt nothing and stayed stuck forever and a day if it meant I didn't have to lose you. But this is how the universe intended it to be. Somehow. This is what our story is.
But I miss you so so much and I want nothing more than to share it with you.
I will keep on.
I love you more than marzipan mumsy