1) It makes you smell. Not the person who has it necesserily. But the stress of it all is making my armpits really spicy. I used to get spicy pits a lot but the last few years they've been really good. I assumed I had just found a genius deodriant. Turns out I've just not been sad, depressed, worried or anxious. Cancer makes you all of these things therefore I now have spicy armpits. Well one to be precise. The left one. The right never smells that bad.
2) People are so loving in hard times. People want to be there. People want to care and show love. People do come closer together because death is fucking scary and we all relate. We all fear. We all will die. We all know someone that has died or is dying and we all come together as one bit empathy huddle. Its nice.
3) despite the horrendous diagnosis noone at the hospital seems to be in a rush. Maybe cancer isnt the big C for them as they see it daily but I think they forget this is our 1st time.
4) people don't like saying the word cancer. Like its a dirty word. I get It. But I feel the need to be able to say it. Talk about it and talk to it. Yes. I talk to my mum's cancer.
5) Nothing much else matters other than dealing with the cancer. But you don't suddenly not care about peoples non trivial life moans. You understand we are all human and Sharon at work is still acting like a betch and you totally get why your friend wants to put salt in Sharon's tea instead of sugar "by mistake" Quite literally these mundane things can be a good distraction.
6) cancer has bought out the best in mum so far. She's up for living and doing and being. And that's so great.
7) you can't really travel. Cos insurance. Cos chemo. Cos may get ill... But we will find a way. Bucket list gotta happen.
8) cancer changes your life so much and yet the world keeps ticking. Which is scary and comforting at the same time.
9) there is lots of shite Info out there. It's so hard to put your spiritual beliefs your conspiracy theory beliefs your work and education and trust in things all in one box and make decisions based on care and logic and not just on your own labels and beliefs and not just based on love. Cos of course you love your person so much you just want to love them better and sell the house and pay for private and fly them to the best healers or the best team or the best hospital but you also have to be practical for them. Logical and smart about it. You have to be patient and calm and sometimes you just want to rub spirilina on their chest and make them drink brocoli gravy just incase it cures them even though you know it probably doesn't. Logic and sense all seems muddled.
10) cancer makes us hungry. Mum's been starving. I cant stop eating. I think its the fear. Excitement makes me not hungry and fear makes me starving. So we are eating our way through the fear currently and I'm ok with that