Got back last night from the day spent with the family. It was our 1st meeting with mums oncologist and a talk on treatment and prognosis.
He was sweet. Although I had a moment with the nurse who is asigned to us who shut down some of my questions. Despite them saying "come with a whole list of things to ask" But hey. We'd been in there an hour and our time was up. This upset me. I think this is going to frustrate me. And I am trying. To not let these things anger me cos noone need a that energy. But as a family, we talk, we argue, we communicate, we disagree, we go over and over things. We just process things a particualr way. And being shit down wasnt pleasant.
We are waiting on some more results. Which will really be ideal. One last gene therapy treatment which is our best option in terms of it is just a tablet and not invasive like chemo. And then waiting for results on immunotherapy to run alongside chemo as this is a new treatment and may give us longer. Send all the prayers and good vibes you have people. We will find out about this on 26th Feb.
The bad news is that mums sciatica pain in that the cancer spread to the bone in her back. "Are you fucking kidding me" I want to scream at the universe. But instead I repeat "things happen FOR us not TO us"
We can zap that with radiotherapy asap before we get going with chemo.
I'm finding it so hard to let my own beliefs in medicine, the system, western approaches not to mess with my trust that chemo or what not; is the best approach. I am a hippy by nature but I do believe in evidence based science. But I also believe in the alternatives. We would never put mum in a position to not be treated with the evidence based way but I am also so determined that our beliefs in alternatives will help us. Even if that is just meditation, visualisation and laughter.
Unfortunately my fear to keep using cbd oil whilst having chemo, will out way my belief we should. I really do believe that western medicine has so much to catch up on but I'm not risking mum gettin sick if she takes it during chemo. I need to see and read more pubmed evidence on this.
I'm then also torn in having to reassure people like my nan, that I know better about nutrition than say a doctor. Which will never ever make sense to nan or even others. Why would someone believe me over a doctor ffs. Firstly docs are not nutritionists and whilst neither am I, my work is in this field so I read and listen about it day in day out. My passion is in nutrition for wellness and so I devote my life to learning as much as poss through sources I trust.
The doctor however said this
"during chemo you need to try to eat as much as possible and have a high calorie diet "
I agree. chemo is going to take all mums energy and losing weight is not healthy for her. She will need all the strength she has and we need to help her stay her weight. 100% high cals are needed.
He followed this by saying "so lots of cream, cheese, full fat milk, red meat"
Ok so now you've lost me.
There is "evidence that high fat diets help with "some" strains of cancer. There is also evidence that plant based helps with some other strains of cancer... So is this man telling us from the strain point of view or just his old school belief that a high cal diet needs to be dairy and red meat cos that's what we all got taught years ago?
But why would a doctor not know what is healthy or not? Why would he not know about being able to eat high fat but with more nutritious choices?
I dont even know the answer. But beliefs are strong. Beliefs are things that if we have learnt years ago, it is hard to change our minds. If you dont keep up with reading and looking into what "health" means more as a mind body and soul concept, you are stuck with just the belief that for now, health just means. Not losing weight and therefore eat the highest cal dense foods.
But I believe health is all round. What makes mum feel good, move good and think good. Veggies and grains and lots of yummy plant based foods which have a shit ton of vitamins and minerals that she will also need.
Yes she needs b12 and other nutrients from animal products so I am not saying she has to go fucking vegan. But she also does not have to eat red meat and dairy by the truck load. And whilst I'm a believer in moderation, just after lots of things I read. A high fat diet of red meat and dairy just does not sit right with me. I feel like he's missing a bigger picture.
So I am on a mission to find my family evidence based research that not keto not vegan is absolutely the right way to go but perhaps whichever makes her feel the most energised, the most full of life and the most nourished.
Ok I went off on a bit of a tangent but it's just my fears. Fears of what I do know that conflicts and then fear of what I don't know. Just a shit ton of fear.
If one treatment doesnt work. We have options within lines of chemo they can try. It's going to be every 3 weeks if we go down the chemo route and she can't fly. So we need to do at least a couple bucket list things before we begin and then post 4 months of chemo we pray it has zpped it and she can have some quality of life before the cancer comes back. Which by western advise we have been told it inevitably will.
We on the other hand are not thinking like that.
Fuck it.
We are loving this cancer bone dry. We are Gonna give it so much love and not hostility that the cancer wont fucking know what to do with itself.
So they can tell us its here to stay or coming back and we are not going to live with that as a fact.
So we take each step at a time. I have strong faith that we are going to get mor time than that doc even could imagine. I have such strong faith that we are going to love laugh and live our way through any treatment they throw at us.
We discovered that with cancer the thing you die of will inevitably be liver cancer. Thats when shit hits the fan. Why I've never realised how important your liver is I will never know.
Something this is teaching me. Is about health on a whole new level. Without size attached. Without "who can lift the heaviest deadlift" even but just health in general.
If cancer ever comes to you you need to be ready. You need to already be eating a healthy diet. *And thst does not mean salad for every meal* you need to be eating nutritiously is what I mean. For mind body and soul. You need to be drinking a shit ton of water. The people with most chances of survival are non smokers non drinkers. Being muscular and having strong joints and build is fucking so important cos treatment will try and shed you of all the energy you have. And the more muscle you have the more energy you have conserved. The more strength you have for this. Your bones. They need to be healthy and strong too and you can build that strength up with resistence training too.
It's just literally been an eye opener that healthy living will and can save you in the darkest hour. Health is a bullshit concept thrown around by my own industry and also by docs etc too. What the fuck does it really mean?
For me now. It means being able to be in the best possible mind body and soul space to deal with, live through and get over disease. To prevent it and then if not that, to help fight it. To be able to stay strong, comfortable, nourished even when the mind wants to give up, or having the mind be so strong even when the body wants to. And the things that help my mind are the things that help my body.
Nutritious foods of all kinds. Ones for the body and for the soul. Movement, walking, stretching and strength training. Meditation and laughing. It is all so so intertwined. What is good for your head is good for your body.
This is health for me now.
And we are going to get mum on this path to lead the best quality life she has with the time she has left.
We don't need their statistics. Cos statistics arent personal. They dont know my mum, our love or our trust in the universe. It knows better than we do. And if her time is up before we want it to be, we must trust that. But we won't take it lying down.
We 100% believe the universe wants us to perhaps not "fight" but to live and learn through it. And that we will.