Mum. Muuuuuuuum I cannot believe it, although I 100% do.
You sent a sign today. You came to visit. Its insane.
I know a lot of skeptical people, but you taught me not to listen to them. In your words “if you believe, then it's real” and whilst you were referring to Santa, the sentiment never left me. If you believe it is, then it is real, of course.
You and I have believed in so much together and the realness has always been so strong. During your cancer journey we talked alot about our beliefs in the lesson it was bringing us and that this happened FOR us not TO us and our faith and belief in that never wavered.
Before you went you pronised you would show me signs. You said “if I can, of course I will. I will always be with you" you said to look out for butterflys, feathers, birds, ladybugs etc the usual after death signs.
Since you've been gone. I've been looking but only slightly because it's not been long and people say you need time, that spirits & energy need time.
A friend off of instagram sent me a beautiful book called signs about seeing signs after our loved ones have gone. And the author said, you may want to ask for a sign that isnt usual, ie she asks for llamas because they arent a usual thing you would see.
I wasn't sure what to ask for. I am only 10 pages in so didn't think much about it.
J & I had an argument last night. I felt lonely and needy and he felt disconnected. 100% he wasnt really doing anything but when I said I felt he was being a bit disconnected, he didnt, well, connect. I could hear you telling me to not go to sleep on a row and that his intentions weren't to be disconnected and to hug him. Of course taking his side ha.
But we went to sleep moody at one another which also was annoying cos we are potentially ovulating and so, well, arguments arent useful during ovulation when you're trying. But hey. I was too mad.
I will preface this by saying…
We have lived in Brixton 11 yrs. The UK for 35. In this flat for 3 yrs.
We woke up this morning and as J got out of bed something took his breath away. He got me up quickly, quietly and excitedly said…
“theres a fucking parrot on the window sill”
“You what?"
“A parrot. A parakeet. A bright green one”
I looked. And right there less than a meter away from the bed, right on our window sill there it was. A bright green orange beaked parakeet.
And I knew. I knew it was a sign from you.
Ok skeptics. Parakeets are in the UK and yes, they are mostly in london. I hear you. But firstly this wasn't a fox, of which I see at least 2 a day. This also wasn't a pigeon. Of which I see dozens of daily. This also wasnt a seagull, which yes, I have seen in the ends of Brixton many times before.
This was a bright green parakeet which I have never EVER seen (only heard) and especially not one meter away from where we sleep at our window sill. If we had ever seen one before and so close, it would have been a big deal then. But now… now this felt insanely comforting.
I only managed to get a picture once it flew into our bare tree opposite and just sat. Again. We have never seen one in our trees opposite. It was insane.
What felt more insane was that a couple of weeks before you past we were in Langley park and we could here them. You get excited because of course. Your love for birds and how joyful you would get at seeing (only you would know the name) of a specific bird. You bloody loved bird watching you mad woman you. We had only just had a conversation about parakeets.
We also had only just had a visit from Poppa 10 days before you went and on the morning of the day you passed over, there was Poppa again. The robin sat on the ledge of our open windows for a good while. And I knew then that was going to be the day.
So of course, there it was today. A sign from you via a bright parakeet. It makes total sense. I am still sitting here so excited and warm hearted.
I looked up its meaning…
how amazing is that. One of the hindu meanings is that it symbolises fertility which made me laugh soon as we were meant to try last night until we had this stupid row.
I literally do not care what narrow minded, boring people will say or think. I know it was you🙏🏽
Mum. I love you so so so much. Thank you for being here even when I doubted or questioned it Thank you.
I will look out for you in other ways too but this will always be a very special sign. My first one to reassure me that you were still with me.
Thank you!