How lovely are your branches.
This week we had another good week inbetween the shite bits. You came to see me and J on sunday and we had a binge watch of The Morning Show. We ate a roast dinner and enjoyed every bite.
Monday was a bit disasterous to start. 2 parking tickets, Beau pooing in the lounge and car… but we drove back to yours and the sunset was so lovely. We said we were grateful for that sunset when we did our 3 gratitudes that night.
Tuesday we had a scare at your blood transfusuin. I wont even moan about the NHS cos I get it… but the frustration is real. That night we went to see David Hamilton and you felt good. We felt encouraged by his talk and we went to sleep with smiles on outlr faces.
The next day we got you some more fresh blood and then you saw Steph and then Janie and I was just so happy to see you see friends. Smile. Feel normal.
You are more teary lately. Its a good thing. You havent cried for so long. You need to let the emotion out. But it scares me. To see you scsredor hurt or worried. I want you not to worry about me.
Today we had a littlw cry. Our baby would have been due this week and we both were sad. Sad at the loss of the hope and magic a grandchild would have bought to our lives right now.
But then I put up the christmas tree and we sung our traditional song. We were happy. You were happy.
And then tonight we rushed you to hospital as you had signs of infection.
This doesnt get easier. The uncertainty. The rough with the smooth. Whenever its up youthink you're winnin and that we are going to continue to be up. And then soemthing happens and cancer reminds us its still there. Still fucking with us.
Cant wait for us to fuck with the cancer back. Once we are out of hospital.
I just keep praying to the universe for tomorrow. For xmas. For more memories.
I love you so much. So much more than marzipan.
Xxx